oops...

Okay, so here's the truth. I self-harmed for the first time today. Nothing major or permanent, I just scratched all my arms up this morning, literally trying to tear my skin off. It's long since faded, but Alice went ballistic when she found out. oops... It's just, I got so stressed out, what with dad yelling at me for no reason at all, and Mum being a bitch, on top of having to deal with all the other crap in my life, that I just couldn't take it anymore and had to let it out somehow. And that was the first thing I did.

That's all for today. Tbh I don't really wanna think about everything else right now.

1st December

(I haven't had internet for a while but these are basically what I wrote down during that twoo weeks)

He makes me so happy...wierdd...But he's so gorgeous and I like him so much. Some of my friends say I'm in love with him, but I'm not. I just really like him. A lot. A hell of a lot. He's amazing and I probly don't stand a chance. I'm not going to stop though. That would be pointless and idiotic, to give up without trying everything. Hopefully Alice's party will make a difference. It better, seeing as I have THE dress. I wonder if it'll do any good. I just got to get shoes (maybe) and figure out what's gonna go wrong with it. Please Spirit, let me look semi-decent at least, just this once?

^

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^

That's It!

He might be single! EEEEEE!!!!!!! The facebook relationship status never lies! Speaking of Facebook, Alys added Will, who Alice likes, and she's gonna talk to him. Alice is in panic mode lol. Her going to mush around him is so much funnier tho.

Apparently I have really nice eyes...hmm...They're alright, I spose...Also, apparently, I'm really pretty. Thats a lie, I'm really not. But I'm not going to start ranting about that now, so yeah, I'm done!

Guys and life in general.

Okay, I know I said I WASN'T going to go near guys, but you see, there's this one guy and I really miss him. I barely know him, and I don't think he knows that I exist, but I miss him. He's always happy you see, I think that's why I like him so much. And him being happy makes me happy as well, which is always a good thing on one of my bad days.
It pisses me off that he has a girlfriend, though I find it funny that he's dating his best freind's ex. I'm so jealous of her, I would kill to be in her place for just one day. She's so lucky. I don't want to split them up, they're so happy together. Doesn't stop me being jealous though.
I wonder if I'll ever stand a chance with him. Probably not. We're whole worlds apart. But he's so cute, I can't help but wish...maybe one day it'll happen. Maybe one day.
I should really stop dreaming, right? Go on the prowl, as Leonie likes to say. The thing is, I'm not that kind of girl, I can't handle meaningless flings, I need it to be long term. Neither do I want to be his rebound girl ifthey break up. I want it to be as important to him as it is to me.
I know its not likely, but I'm gonna keep on dreaming and hope it happens someday.
On a different note, the home front is all bad. My and my parents are fighting more and more, and more often than not I've been crying myself to sleep. I really can't stand it anymore, I need to get out of this hell hole. I'm dying inside. I just can't do any of this anymore, I'm convinced they don't want me
I don't really have a reason to hang around, apart from the fact that I'd have nowhere to go if I left. Sometimes I wonder if they'd actually notice...
Anyway, thats enough for now, so bye!

Hey all

I'm back from holiday, and I have made a very important decision: I have given up on dating and relationships and all that jazz. I hope I stick to this...eep!
Got a party to got to on Friday, and I am still trying to sort out an outfit...
Not really much going on right now *sigh*
Bye Bye!

Life

So, here is a list of my current life.

• School has ended! HURRAH!
• And I have art coursework to do over the summer. My first lot. Joy.
• Going on holiday soon. YAY!
• I am officially bored beyond belief
• My parents are constantly argueing about this damn extension
• Max is causing havoc
• I don't know which fic to post first
• Alice is in Cornwall when I wanna talk to her
• My family don't understand me
• I finally got facebook to work properly
• I don't know what to do about this whole Lolli situation

Well, thats it for the day.

UGH!

UGH! I have had the WORST day ever in the entire history of worst days ever! I came this close: . to actually murdering Priya! God, she gets on my nerves so much. And it doesn't really help with all the other crap I have to deal with on top of that.